I am a part of a group of moms with elementary-school age children and younger who meet once a month at our church. We have different discussions, activities, and speakers who will come. Through this group I’ve heard from our local police about social media, travel agents about the best vacation spots for kids, and participated in activities about how to live happier, more fulfilling lives. Once a year, however, we have a panel of moms who comes to our group.
The panel of moms is an annual favorite. It is made up of 4-5 moms who have been in our shoes. They have kids who are older, usually teenagers or older, and come with experience, knowledge, and advice. They answer our questions, explain they way they have done things, and offer anecdotes on how they have done things (or should have done things, as the case may be).
It’s infinitely fascinating, sitting and listening to other moms talk about their experience. Hindsight is often 20/20 and so that is why I propose the following when making your mama tribe and surrounding yourself with other parents –
Find parents who have a variety of parenting styles.
It is so easy to gravitate towards the parents who parent exactly the same way you do. I will be honest and admit that my best friend parents very similarly to how I do. We may have minor differences, but all of the big parenting choices are essentially the same. That’s because it’s easy. It’s easy to hear people who will agree with you. It’s easy to have affirmation, something we crave so deeply when it comes to our parenting choices, that we are doing the right thing.
But it’s so important to not have that as the only voice that you hear. When it comes down to it, it’s important to have a variety of opinions, thoughts, and ideas on how to parent. Something that we may have never thought of because it isn’t immediately a parenting choice we would make might be suggested by someone else and work perfectly.
So have friends with children a variety of ages. Have friends who are more attachment parenting. Have friends who holistic and friends who are not. Have friends who didn’t have children until they are older and have friends who had children when they are younger.
And then the important part. Respect each other and your differences. Listen to each other. Understand that, though a choice may not be your first, it is a choice that is currently working for them and their family. They may have a parenting choice that is helpful to you in the future and vice versa.
As our children grow, we want them to be able to turn to us for advice and an ear to listen to their problems. We hope that they see us as people they can trust and depend on. But if that isn’t the case, we want to surround ourselves with other adults who we can trust to be there for our children and to come to us. To tell us if something is wrong. To gracefully offer help when we are struggling. To depend on us as we depend on them.
I was watching Ralph Breaks the Internet with Little Mister the other night. I always chuckle at the end when they seemingly “reveal” the secret to being the perfect parents. My belief is that they have to block it out because there is no secret. Their calls to the racers admit that as much because they are contradicting statements. Just like that, there is no one solution to how to raise children. We are all doing our best and trying to make it through. Making sure that we have the support system in place that we can depend on and fall back on is one of the many important parts to parenthood.