Last week was a big week for us. First, Little Miss started walking. Unlike her brother who held onto one finger until he was completely steady on his feet and then almost never fell, Little Miss just keeps toppling over and then standing right back up and trying again. She definitely still likes to crawl – it’s just plain faster – but she is really starting to get steady on her feet.
And then on Wednesday, we started one of Little Mister’s biggest milestones since walking – potty training!
I know. He’s 3.5 years old, surely it was time. I know. Our families had been asking, too. But I’m going to be completely honest. He didn’t seem interested and I was allowing that to convince me because I was scared. I was nervous that I wouldn’t be able to figure it out.
First I said we would try last Christmas break… and then it didn’t happen.
Then I said we’d try during spring break… and then it didn’t happen.
So this summer I knew I had to do it. I had to just sit down and pick a group of days where we didn’t have anything and just go for it.
I looked up all the websites. I checked out threads on the mommy-groups on Facebook. I looked at books. I had a basic idea of what I needed to do. And yet I still waited until I was absolutely sure we would have time and days to do it.
So last Tuesday night, Little Mister helped us put away all of his cloth diapers except for a handful for naps and overnight (we weren’t going to try that yet). Then Wednesday morning, we woke up, had him pick a pair of underwear (of course all Disney themed), and we started our potty-training journey.
We started off with Little Mister only wearing underwear and a shirt and going to the toilet every 15 minutes but quickly found that that wasn’t helpful, just making Little Mister frustrated. So we extended it to every 30 minutes. No accidents, but no success either. Evening came and I left for work and my husband took over. Unfortunately, that’s when the accidents happened.
But Thursday was a new day with a new plan! We started over, same routine of Little Mister wearing only underwear and a shirt and now we stretched it to an hour between trying. We had success! We didn’t have any accidents on Thursday. Every time Little Mister went on the toilet, he got a couple of M&Ms. He was so excited and proud of himself.
Friday we got up, hoping for the same success. This day we let him wear shorts.
It was accident city. We couldn’t figure out what had happened. He had done it so well the day before. What happened? What had we changed besides the shorts?
My mom said to not act disappointed when he had an accident. But I feel like you can act disappointed in what happened and empathize with them because they are probably disappointed, too. There is a difference between disappointment in the child and disappoint in an empathisizing way.
So I sat there in bed on Friday night, trying to figure out what had happened. What could I change to make sure Little Mister was successful?
Saturday and Sunday were complete successes! No accidents either day. I’m not saying that accidents won’t happen. And we are still working on pooping on the toilet, but we are definitely on the right track. Here are some of my tips for training (both you and your child)!
1. Practice takes patience.
Not only does it take patience going all the time, or having patience every time you have to clean up after an accident, but you also have to have patience while they are sitting on the toilet.
It can be so easy to let them jump back up after a minute or so if they haven’t gone. But the truth is that they won’t start peeing right away as soon as they jump on the toilet. Sometimes it will take a few minutes. Sometimes it may take several minutes. Find some songs to sing, a book to read, or, if you’re willing, a movie to watch on a tablet while you sit there together, hunkered down in the bathroom.
2. No movies during the first 3 days.
This was the main key that we found made all the difference between a day of accidents and a day of no accidents. We went into this thinking that, since we were spending the day at home, we would just have a movie and Daniel Tiger marathon.
We were so so wrong.
This was actually what led to all of the accidents on the third day – after that day of all success!
What we found was that Little Mister would sit down in front of a movie and zone out. When he did that, he was no longer paying attention to the signs and feelings in his body. When that happened, he stopped learning what it felt like when he needed to go to the bathroom. And that is when the accidents happened.
When he was playing with toys, reading, or helping us make dinner, not only was he learning what it felt like to need to go to the bathroom, but we could more easily identify the signs. His jumping around, excited, moving around the room was no longer because he was just getting involved with the movie but signs that he needed to go to the bathroom.
3. Watch for visible signs as well as audible.
We kept reiterating to Little Mister that he could tell us when he needed to go. We sang the song from Daniel Tiger over and over and over. I’m pretty sure it’s permanently stuck in my head. But my Little Mister seems intent on not always telling us when he needs to go.
So we have to watch for the visible signs, too. The antsy moves. For boys, these can be a little more obvious. But each child may also have their own individual signs for needing to go to the bathroom.
If we ask Little Mister if he needs to go, he will almost always say “Nope!” Even when he does need to go. We find that when he gets more agitated, when he gets even more insistent with his nopes, that’s when he has to go.
4. The feeling of peeing is weird.
I don’t remember what it felt like those first times, realizing the feeling of needing to pee. But I know it must feel weird. Keep that in mind when you are working on potty-training with your kiddos. This is a completely new feeling. No matter how long they’ve been in diapers for – whether they were disposable or cloth – this is an entirely new concept to them. They are learning a whole new part of their bodies and a whole new feeling. It’s strange and new and doesn’t always feel good.
Because of this, they may become sad, irritable, agitated, or even indignant when they need to use the bathroom. Patience, a calm and level head, and reassurance will go a long way with them and a long way towards an accident-free day.
5. For boys – POINT DOWN.
Oh. My. Lord. I, as a woman and mom, did not understand how incredibly difficult this concept was. It seemed like I should be able to show him a few times that he needed to point down, and he would get the concept.
But I quickly learned this was not the case. Sometimes he would push so hard to point down that it looked painful (though he never complained). Sometimes he would forget for a second and pee would get on his leg. This is just going to be the start to the never ending journey of cleaning up pee off the bathroom floor.
6. Have them help clean up after accidents.
My mom seemed to think that this was cruel and unusual punishment. I felt like it was just showing a consequence of having an accident. After each accident, I would have Little Mister help us clean up any wetness and then help carry his shorts and underwear to the laundry room where he put it in the washer himself. I used a calm voice. I showed him what to do to clean up. And most importantly – I helped him in the entire process. We both cleaned up. We both walked to the laundry room. In this way, it wasn’t just an accident that he had but also an accident for us as the parents. We missed a cue. We missed whatever sign we could’ve seen to catch him before the accident.
7. Anticipatory praise worked wonders!
If you haven’t checked out my post on Anticipatory Praise, this is your chance to do so.
Every morning we would wake up and tell Little Mister how proud we are that he can use the toilet. We would reassure him that we know he is getting so good about telling us when he needs to go. We praised him for becoming such a big boy by using the bathroom.
Every night, regardless of how successful he was that day, regardless of how many accidents he may have had, we told him those same things. We told Little Mister how proud we are that he can use the toilet. We reassured him that we know he is getting so good about telling us when he needs to go. We praised him for becoming such a big boy by using the bathroom. We told him that, no matter how that day had gone, we knew that the next day was going to go so much better.
When we started consistently doing this, we noticed an immediate effect of the number of accidents. We also noticed he started becoming better – even if just slightly – about telling us when he needed to use the bathroom. We also noticed he wasn’t waiting because he wanted to keep playing – he would just get up and have us go with him to the bathroom.
Each kiddo will learn to potty-train differently. Each child may respond different to a given “method.” And no book, movie, article, or experience will necessarily entirely prepare you. I don’t regret waiting so long. I think it was maybe easier because he was older, but in the end, each kid will potty-train when they are ready. Just like rolling, walking, and talking, kids will do each milestone in their own turn and their own way.
Most importantly, potty training isn’t just the “training” of your child. It’s training of you, too. It’s training you to watch for signs. It’s training you for even more patience than you had before. It’s training you to offer reassurance and comfort as well as a cheering squad when they finally get it.
When you kid has an accident, take it as a learning experience for you both. Sit down and assess where you could alter what you are doing to better help your little one succeed.
In the end, potty-training is a team effort. One party can’t do it without the help of the other. And I know you can do it! I have complete faith.