I have something to admit that some of you may think makes me a bad mom. That’s just going to be how it is, though. I started this blog to help parents, to help us all to make memories from the messy, and nowadays, things are really, really messy. And they seem to be staying messy for the foreseeable future.
So here is my admission…
You know how there will be that episode on that TV show you love or that Hallmark movie you watched recently where someone says some statement or makes a wish about the state their lives are in, and the next morning they wake up and their lives are completely changed?
You know the one I’m talking about. Where maybe their lives were a complete disaster that night, things were out of control, and they just wanted to be back in their old lives. And then POOF – the next morning they wake up and they’re some high-powered executive, making the big bucks, a handsome significant other who is maybe a little egotistical, but who cares because life seems to be in such impeccable order that you can overlook that – at least overlook it for the 30 to 90 minutes that the show lasts.
During the course of the show they always come to find that they miss the mess, they miss their family, and things aren’t greener on the other side. Things are a happy ending and you find it was all just a dream or some crazy wish granted by a secret fairy elf person, but they help the mom or woman discover that all they truly needed in life they already had.
Yeah. So my admission. I woke up this morning really, really hoping I could have one of those experiences. I just really wanted some time to myself. To not be waking up to dirty dishes in the sink, LEGOs all over the floor, and beautiful, albeit persistent, little mouths constantly needing my help. I really wanted to not have to plan exciting activities to keep my little ones occupied.
I know that’s selfish. And don’t get me wrong, I am truly, truly thankful for my children and love them dearly. But all of this is to say that the pandemic life is hard. Not all may admit it, but I’m confident in saying that I’m not the only parent who has had moments of struggle.
We have had almost an entire year so far of relatively the same four walls with our children. We may get out for bike riding, walks, or some pool time, but even that has become repetitive. Our children are craving variety as much as we are.
We are struggling to find ourselves. We are becoming lost in a sea of emotions, changing moment by moment. We are drowning in our children’s needs. Parents often struggle to think about themselves and this is never more evident than during the last several months. There is no time to get a break and step away. We are trying to balance our children, work, and our own mental health, not to mention make decisions and choices about our health that we often don’t even feel qualified to make, and we are struggling to keep all the balls in the air. More often than not, at least one of these balls falls to the ground and many times, that ball is our mental health.
So is it really any surprise that any of us would dream about a break, even if just a day to dream it like in the Hallmark movies? This dream doesn’t undermine our love for our children. It doesn’t mean that we are taking our lives for granted.
It just means that we are tired.
We are tired of feeling stuck. We are tired of feeling helpless. We are tired of feeling fear or anxiety.
Parents all around the world are struggling with their mental health since the pandemic started and our worlds closed down. Studies have shown that upwards of 30-50% of parents feel like their mental health is worse than it was prior to the pandemic. We need help but our village is severely limited and socially distant. It isn’t as easy to just call upon friends and family for help.
And if you’re an essential worker, you may feel completely alone and unable to rely on others for fear of endangering them. Those individuals who have put their lives on the front lines to help others are hurting.
I wish I had the answers for us parents on what to do to feel recharged. If I did, I probably wouldn’t be dreaming about being in a Hallmark movie.
If you are a parent struggling like I am, know that I see you. I know you are there and needing a moment of space. I know that you may have lost yourself for the time being. I know that your faith may be struggling, you may be on a constant precipice of feeling like you’ll tip over into tears, and you may feel like you have lost all support around you.
If this is you, know that you aren’t alone in your frustration, your hurt, your exhaustion. Half of the parents out there feel it, too. And the other half are just kidding themselves.
Be brave, mama. Be strong, dad. You’ve got this. We’ve got this. Our Hallmark moment will come. We just have to have faith that our secret fairy elf guide is still working their magic to help us see that we have everything we need. If nothing else, let’s just all agree to ask Santa for a cure for Covid-19 this year.