I recently visited with my brother during a visit out to our dad’s house. We were having dinner one night when my brother brought up the conversation of car seats. He questioned why children have to be in car seats for so long. When he was a baby, my parents put him in an apple box in the back seat and obviously he survived and is fine. I, on the other hand, plan to have Little Mister rear facing for as long as possible – until he meets the height or weight restriction on his car seat. I’ve looked at research on spinal development and have decided that this is the best choice for us and our family.
On another occasion, I was questioned why I don’t give my children juice on a regular basis. We’ve looked at research, recommendations by the AAP, and our own health histories and have decided that limiting drinks other than water is the best choice for our family.
On even yet another occasion, there was a discussion about vaccines and whether they should be mandated or whether parents should have the ability to decide what is best for their children and families.
When we first had Little Mister, I was overwhelmed by the number of choices we have to make as parents and opinions that exist out there. I had all these ideas of how I would parent. I had made all these choices, thinking I would do one thing when we had kids.
I was not going to cosleep – my kids would sleep in their cribs, but I was not going to sleep train.
I was going to go back to work – I had watched both of my parents be working parents and thought I should have a career, too. That’s what we are supposed to do, right?
I had no idea on things like car seats, breastfeeding, and solids. I had general beliefs, but nothing really concrete.
And then everything changed when Little Mister arrived. Suddenly, beliefs that I thought I had, opinions I thought I was going to follow, all changed.
Not only did I find that things may not be as up-to-date regarding recommendations from the AAP, but I also found that some beliefs I had didn’t fit our family and our lifestyle. And that’s ok!
There are a plethora of parenting beliefs and choices and it’s okay to not have the same beliefs as your parents or siblings or friends. It’s ok to parent different ways. And it’s ok to stand your ground on your beliefs when they work for you. You have to make choices based on your research, your family, and what feels right for your personality.
Take all the recommendations, listen to all the advice, and then cherry pick what works for your family. This is what makes each family unique! And on the other side, try not to be offended or confrontational if someone makes a different parenting choice than you would. As long as it is not a life-threatening choice, there is no reason we have to all parent exactly the same way or even parent each child we have the same way. Each child is unique and might require different parenting choices.
This may seem strange coming from someone who writes a parenting blog. I do, after all, offer opinions and advice. But in the end, it is just that – opinions and advice. Does something I recommend work for you? Great! Maybe only part works for your family? Also great! Do you think something I wrote is just way off base or doesn’t meld with your family’s dynamics? I hope that, too! Because what a terribly boring world we would live in if everything I said worked for all children and parents.
In the end, we are all just trying to do the best we can with the information we have. We look at all the information and we choose what is best for our family. And that’s all we can do – raise our children the best that we can.