We have all read and heard of the studies that state that our children should have hardly any screen time. I get it. Sitting in front of the TV doesn’t activate a child’s imagination, it doesn’t tend to make them think. Mindlessly playing on a phone does not help them be critical thinkers.
I get it.
When I was pregnant with Little Miss, sick and exhausted to the point where there were mornings I just struggled to get out of bed, Little Mister watched more screen time that I would’ve liked. It was that moment when I asked him who some of his friends were and he listed off characters like Lightning McQueen, Mike and Sully, and Mickey that I realized I’d let it go too far.
That’s when I started actively trying to reduce his screen time. Furthermore, when he does get screen time, I want it to be educational and engaging him in learning of some kind.
So while he still gets the occasional movie or TV show, I try to make the time he does spend in front of a screen worthwhile. I want screen time to be a tool that I have in my back pocket. In order to have it be a tool, it can’t be overused, just like any tool in parenting. Here are my five steps to making screen time a tool.
Select educational apps
Little Mister has his own folder of apps on our phones and the family iPad. In this folder are several educational apps that he can choose from. There are apps that you can purchase and ones that are free. We have a little of both.
We have several of the PBS apps, especially the Daniel Tiger apps. Of the Daniel Tiger apps, Little Mister’s favorite is the Day & Night one. I love this one because it helps reinforce routines, such as bedtime routines.
Two of my other favorite educational apps are Metamorphabet and Puppy Preschool. Metamorphabet is a part of a series by Vectorpark. Metamorphabet is perfect of young preschoolers working on their alphabet. Each letter morphs through different words that start with that letter, creating a word of caterpillars driving cars and an N made into a nose with neighbors peeking out of windows. Vectorpark has several different game apps for all levels of kids. My other favorite app from them for older kids is Levers. This one works with balance. Kids choose from a variety of objects to make the levers balance. Check out these two and more in the app store.
Puppy preschool is great for younger kids. It works with counting, color differentiation, and music exploration. One of the things that I really liked with this app is that it helped reinforce some of Little Mister’s coordination and motor skills by requiring precise placement of some of the objects.
If you’re looking for some fun free apps, Khan Academy has created a series of apps called Duck Duck Moose. They have several different ones that have topics for different age and ability levels. Since they’re free, it’s worth it to download them all for your kiddo’s folder and then guide them towards the ones that are appropriate for their age level.
Limit time used
I find that the people without kids apparently know the best as to how much time they would allow their future imaginary kids to watch tv or use screen time. It becomes blatantly obvious that they’ve never had a child losing their ever loving mind at the doctor’s office or a dinner that’s taken longer than expected to be served. Sometimes, the lesser of two evils is to let your child play with the phone or watch the movie just so that emotions don’t escalate. Sometimes, it’s ok to let your child watch a movie or TV show while you jump in the shower. I’m here to say it will be okay.
But this is the key. You want to limit the screen time so that it remains a novelty. Otherwise, it will lose the effect it has to help in situations of high tension. If your child is asking for your phone every time you sit down at a restaurant rather than engaging with the family, spend a few meals out not getting out your phone. You will be surprised at how quickly that habit breaks.
One thing that surprises me is how much grandparents rely on technology with their grandkids. I’ve spoken with many of my friends and it’s a common trend. Many parents want to limit the screen time while the grandparents see less of an issue. This seems so strange to me, and yet it’s a discussion I had with my own mom. There was a time where Little Mister began to associate seeing her with seeing and playing on her phone. I want more for their relationship than for it to be about a phone. Sometimes having that discussion with your parents, reinforcing some guidelines about technology usage, will help strengthen the grandparent/grandchild relationship and utilize every second of time they get to spend together.
Interactive use is best
I already talked about apps which tend to be inherently interactive. So instead let’s talk about interactive use of TV shows.
I’m a huge Disney fan. So when it came to Disney, Jr., I didn’t think too much about which of the shows might be good or bad. It wasn’t until we started to see a correlation between the shows PJ Masks and Puppy Dog Pals and how Little Mister would act during and immediately following the shows. I have no idea what it was about those shows and I know that correlation does not equal causation, but Little Mister would become downright destructive after watching those shows. He would stop listening to us, become extremely hyper, and disregard any common sense regarding how to treat the things in the house or his toys. When we realized this, we immediately stopped watching those shows.
On the other hand, we love shows like Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Daniel Tiger. With Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, I love that it is interactive with the kids regarding how to use the Mouseketools. Even better, many times the tools are used in creative ways that require kids to think outside the box. This imaginative thinking is just what I look for in a show.
On the other hand, I love how Daniel Tiger explore emotions and involves the viewer by asking them to “share” some of their own experiences. Reinforcing that similar events may happen to the viewer or be something they’ve experienced is a technique that Mr. Rogers used in his own show and it’s carried on to Daniel Tiger. I also love the songs.
If you kiddo is starting to read, definitely check out Super Why on PBS. This show uses stories to reinforce reading using rhyming, spelling, and other techniques. Throughout the episode, the characters will enlist your child’s help to solve whatever problem is being addressed.
Screen time as family time
As I mentioned above, I’m a huge Disney fan. I’m pretty sure we have at least almost all of the Pixar films and all main Disney films minus ones that have not recently come out of the vault. So when it comes to movies that Little Mister and Little Miss have seen, it’s primarily Disney.
When Little Mister does get a chance to watch a movie, he will almost always pick a Disney movie (Although right now he’s on a Prince of Egypt kick. Can’t fault him for movies of faith though.) Instead of just sitting him down in front of a movie while I get things done around the house (though sometimes that may be the best option so I can get in a quick shower and get ready for the day), we make movie time into family time. We watch a movie together and spend time together snuggled up on the couch. This also gives me a chance to see how he reacts to different moments in the movie. When there is a scary part, I’m there to provide support. When he gets excited, I love watching him jump up and dance around.
Some of my favorite memories from my childhood are from watching movies together with my family and friends. Movies can provide the bond between you, even when you may not be getting along perfectly or you need some support. Family movie time can become a tradition, one of those things that your kids can fall back on when they just need that presence and support from you as a parent without you trying to ask them a million questions.
Follow up with what they watched
I don’t have to sit there and watch every movie or TV show with Little Mister to know what he’s watching. Many times, he’s watching a repeat of a show that we’ve watched before. Regardless, it’s good to reinforce what they’ve watched after the fact. Ask them questions that provide scaffolded learning.
Disney movies are full of opportunities to ask questions that delve into the subjects. Ask questions that go behind the characters actions. Why did Woody act the way he did towards Buzz when Buzz first arrived? Have you ever felt that way towards someone? What could Woody have done instead? In Inside Out, why was Joy upset when Sadness touched the memory? What kinds of memories do you have that would be Joy/Sadness/Anger, etc? What kinds of emotions are both Joy and Sadness or Fear and Anger? These are the questions that use the movies as a tool to go into deeper issues and further thinking.
Daniel Tiger and other PBS shows create potential for discussing the topics in everyday scenarios. Topics about cultures, sharing, caring, and emotions are everyday occurrences. For example, just the other day I heard my husband ask Little Mister, “I know that your sister taking your train track made you mad. What does Daniel Tiger say when he’s mad?” And then they sang the song together and talked about how Little Mister could share his toys with Little Miss.
All of this being said, the ultimate step with screen time as a tool is to watch how you use it in front of your kids. I was amazed that Little Mister and Little Miss could so quickly figure out how to use my phone. It took no time for them to figure out how to hold it up to their ears to talk or that they needed my thumb in order to unlock the screen. At first I thought it was just that they were quick in realizing what needed to be done for them to achieve their goal.
Then a friend mentioned a study where kids put value in where you put your time. My friend was referring to putting our time in at church and not allowing things like sports activities or school activities define your schedule. But this got me thinking. Maybe the reason my children are constantly reaching for my phone and my husband’s phone because they see the time we have it in our hands, not even necessarily using it, but just constantly reaching for it, carrying it, making sure we have it on us. We put value in having this mode of communication always on us. It’s no wonder that our children think it’s so valuable.
So the ultimate step in using screen time as a tool is to make it seem not as valuable. Make your family and faith your priority. Spend some time unplugged. Forget your phone and don’t rush back in for it.
This may seem strange coming from someone whose concept is online, but in the end, nothing is more important than our kids.